Little Southern Girl

In 2001, I turned 25. To some of you reading this, that doesn't seem old, but in reality, it was the oldest I'd ever been and I felt it. I felt that carefree feeling of early twenties slipping away from me and in my fear and loathing, I declared 2001 to be All About Me.

As I stood on the threshold of 30, only 5 years out - I looked back on the last five years and saw them slipping eagerly from me and knew the next 5 would do the same - I made a promise to myself: I would go to Europe for my 30th birthday.

Little did I know that I would be getting married. For some reason, I had this idea in my head that I would be in my early to mid 30s before someone found me attractive. Maybe after I'd traveled the globe and the air of having seen the world would surround me, I would be more attractive, more sought after, more worthy of love. But 3 short years after I felt my first flush of age I was walking down the aisle and forgetting about my dream to travel.

Well, not exactly forgetting, but postponing. In early 2008, at the age of 32, I saw my chance and I grabbed it. What I saw... well, let me put it this way. It was like that shot in movies and television when you get closer to the person, but everything around them pulls out - the way they do it is zoom in on the face will pulling the camera back at the same time. That is what the world did when I stepped out of the plane onto Spanish soil for the first time. As I walked around Barcelona, saw the Colosseum in Rome for the first time with my own eyes, walked under La Tour Eiffel in Paris, I saw all the world expand and close as I connected these beautiful cities with the ones I loved in the States.

And here is the necessary introduction: as I prepare to go to South Africa, in doing my homework, the heartbreaking beauty and the disagreeable past scar this land. Horrible atrocities were committed and great forgiveness was given and that makes me feel both big and small. As I walk that country, see it's beautiful animals, and breathtaking scenery, I will also become a part of it's history and gain respect for a country I only know through images of pride, hate, poverty and rage. In all of this, I'm just a little southern girl. Yes, I'm nearly 6ft and there is not much little about me, but when it comes to this world, it's bigger than I ever knew.