2010

Where the hell did the time go???

I started this website nearly a year and a half ago because I thought that things were going to change. I was going to be a new person and that the horizons that were opening up because of my travels would be the flipped switch I needed.

I was wrong. Well, not very wrong. A lot of interesting things came out in those travels. The year I traveled, I wrote more than I ever had. I completed NaNoWriMo, writing a syrupy romance novel about three sisters, one of which went to Africa to find herself, which will never see the light of day. I discovered how much I love my friends because that's who I went with and I discovered how much I love my husband who would sacrifice just to see me happy.

Every year, I usually complain about getting older, but at the end of 2009, I didn't dwell on the upcoming 34th birthday or scramble to get my New Year Resolutions down. I just blew my nose (I had a terrible cold), but on my flour length brown dress with blue-ish green sparkles (yes, Big Ben, sparkles), threw on some flip flops, put my heels in my hands and walked down to my NYE event. I drank, I danced, I sang, I shouted, I screamed, I took pictures and I had a blast.

I'm not going to live every day like it's my last. I'm looking forward to the future. But I'm also taking it one day at a time, hoping that those around me will look favourably upon me, that my words will expand from this tiny metro to the world around me, that my thoughts will become solidified and tangible, that my heart will grow in love for others (because I stinkin' hate people right now), that I get my priorities in order and that I just shut the fuck up and write.

Of all the things I've become lax on, being lax on my work ethic has hurt me the most. There was a time where I was writing every day, reading every day and being productive. I'm learning so much now that the old work ethic would have resulted in at least two completed short stories in the last year and a half. Life experiences have increased as well and my once fiercely held beliefs are crumpled in a puzzle at my feet, waiting for me to put them together in a way that makes sense to the life I've lived. I've got to get that back, that missing piece that I didn't notice at first, but that grows bigger with each step I take towards making my dream of living as a working writer a reality.

I can't say that this year will be any better. I can't say that I will regain the work ethic or the insight or even grow from the lessons I've learned, but I can say I will try to shut the fuck up and write and take each day one at a time.