I've Grown So Morbid - Why Don't I Cheer the Hell Up?

I have a lot to work on. But it has come to my attention that I've been a bit morbid.

It doesn't surprise me. Although I am pretty clean for a writer (no true abuse, but there is a hint of the emotional abuse here and there, no drugs, no sex before marriage, no rock and roll), I do have my traumas. Even though I wish those traumas played a better part in my writing, I find that when I write, I gloss over things, but when I think and then spew them on this blog, they come out a bit more morbid that I actually am in real life.

I like to laugh. I like to dance. I like tv shows and talking about them. I like sitting on porches drinking gin and tonics from mason jars and talking about everything from the meaning of life to the latest House episode (which, not surprisingly, has been dealing with the meaning of life) or Thomas the Train. I like hanging out with people and knitting and spinning yarn and even if I don't finish things, the very act of those things relax me. I've been much to morbid of late and I want it to end.

It's up to me, I know. I'm not deluded about that. So I am making the conscious decision to add things back into my busy schedule that I let work and writing push out. Truth be told, I can't write without the reading. I miss the reading. I miss actually finishing novels. I have about 5 books going right now. My goal is to finish one a week. I went to the yarn store Saturday and sat and knit with the older ladies and let their conversations wash over me as my fingers moved of their own merit and I allowed my mind to wander, perhaps for the first time in so many months. I want to add parts of those things back into my life so that I don't just see the cart I'm trying to pull, but I see the carrot that I get to eat when the cart gets to its destination.

I need to structure and organize my life and then stick to it. Because I like having fun, not regretting what I didn't do the day before. I'll try to laugh more, not just in deed, but in words as well.